The Crew of DC:
A Cautionary Tale
A Tragic Farce
By Lisa Napell Dicksteen
With abject apologies to Christopher
Marlowe, author of the
Renaissance revenge tragedy, “The Jew of
on which this tale is based.
August 19, 2004
Dramatis Personae:
Machiavelli (the narrator)
Chenzabas (wealthy business owner and leader of right-wing
branch of conservative party)
Bushenze (the governor of DC and high ranking member of republican party)
Powellmore (newest personal aide of Chenzabas)
Sheik Hussein-Osama (leader of the armies of terror, son of the caliph)
Sheik Araphat (aide de camp of Hussein-Osama)
Ashcrofta (daughter of Chenzabas)
Ron d’Leeza (son of Bushenzey)
Clint (friend of Ron d’Leeza, in love with
Ashcrofta)
Clintona (mother of Clint, leader of democratic
party)
Major deMinor (vice admiral of
Tenantella (an undercover agent thought to be loyal to republican party)
Muler (partner of Tenantella)
Friar Patricio Robertson (Official Minister and Confessor to republican party)
Congressional
Aides of all parties
Numerous
political sycophants of many stripes and fluid allegiances
Soldiers
and terrorists of various nationalities and loyalties
Citizens
of DC
PROLOGUE
Machiavelli:
Albeit the world think Machiavelli dead,
Yet was his soul but lately flown beyond our borders,
And now that hope is dead, I’ve come from the Mid-East,
To view this land, and frolic with his friends.
To some perhaps my name is odious,
But such as love me, guard me from their slights,
And let them know that I am Machiavelli,
And weigh not men, and therefore not men’s words:
Admired am I, by those that hate me most,
Though some speak openly against my power,
Yet they will hear me, and thereby attain
The Oval Office: and when they cast me off,
Be poisoned by my climbing followers.
I count politics but a childish toy,
And hold there is no sin but ignorance,
Voices from high do tell what course to take?
I am ashamed to hear such fooleries:
Many will talk of election to high office.
What right had Caesar to the empire?
Stealth now makes Presidents, and laws get in the way
When like the people’s voice they’re just ignored.
Hence comes it, that a strong-built powerbase
Commands much more than protests in the street:
And Presidents are crowned despite the vote,
And all accept the merchant’s brazen call,
With no more than most feeble disputation.
Let me be the one to tell the
story!
For whither I am bound, I come not
To read a lecture at the United Nations,
But to present the tragedy of a president,
Whose country suffers while a round of golf he plays,
Which position was not got without my means.
I crave but this, grace him as he deserves,
And let him not be entertained the worse
Because he favors me.
Exit
ACT I, scene i
Chenzabas in his counting-house,
with piles of gold, jewels, treasury bonds, stock certificates, etc., before him.
Chenzabas:
There was a venture summed and satisfied.
As for those Texans, and the men of Saud,
That brought mid-Eastern oil, and
that
Well fare the Arabians, who so richly pay
The things they traffic for with wedge of gold,
Whereof a man may easily in a day
Tell that which may maintain him all his life.
The needy farmer that never fingered options,
Would think a miracle of this much profit:
But he whose bank deposit boxes are crammed full,
And all his lifetime hath been so,
Wearing his fingers’ ends with counting it,
Would in his age be loath to pay in taxes,
Any cent or dollar of his hoard.
Beauteous rubies, sparkling diamonds,
And seldseen costly stones of such great price,
As one of them indifferently appraised,
May serve in peril of calamity
To ransom kings and princes from captivity;
To purchase votes and judges as the need arises
This is the power that supports my wealth.
But who comes here, unannounced?
Enter three Republican Congressional Aides
1st Aide:
Tush! Tell me not ‘twas done of policy
2nd Aide:
Come, therefore let us go to Chenzabas;
For he can council best in these affairs;
And here he is.
Chenzabas:
Why how now countrymen?
Why flock you thus to me in multitudes?
What accident betides the GOP?
1st Aide:
A cell of Arab terrorists, Chenzabas,
Have struck most freely, and many Americans are dead.
They meet now with the Governor,
Who entertains them in darkest secrecy.
Chenzabas:
So, let ‘em come, so they come not to war;
Or let ‘em to war, so we be conquerors.
(Nay, let ‘em combat, conquer, and kill all,
So they spare me, my daughter, and my wealth.)
2nd Aide:
Well, there’s a meeting on the Senate floor,
And all men of wealth and power must be there.
Chenzabas:
Hmmm. All men of wealth and power must be there?
Ay, like enough, why then let every man
Provide him, and be there for appearance’ sake.
If anything shall there concern our state
Assure yourselves, I’ll look
(Aside) unto myself.
3rd Aide:
We know you will.
1st Aide:
So we take our leave; farewell good Chenzabas.
Exeunt Aides
Chenzabas:
And Chenzabas now search this secret out.
Summon thy senses, call thy wits together:
These silly men mistake the matter clean.
Long to the Taliban did DC contribute;
Which tribute all in policy, I fear,
They have used to create a jihad,
As all the world shall tremble at their might.
Howe’er the world go, I’ll make sure for one,
And seek in time to intercept the worst,
Warily guarding that which I ha’ got.
As long as my wealth and power remain safe,
Why let ‘em enter, let ‘em take the town.
ACT I, scene ii
Enter Bushenze (Governor of DC), Aides and syncophants,
met by Hussein Osama (leader of the armies of terror) with Araphat and Sheiks
Bushenze:
Now Sheiks, what demand you at our hands?
Araphat:
Know politicians of DC, that we
came from
From
That spread across the
Bushenze:
From
That spread across the
To us, or
Hussein-Osama:
The weapons and money promised by your Congress.
Bushenze:
Alas, my lord, the sum is over-great,
And public opinion is heavy against us.
I hope your highness will consider
The years of friendship ‘tween our two families.
Hussein-Osama:
I wish, dear friend, ‘twere in my power
To favor you, but ‘tis now a fatwah,
And well favored by the clerics of the day,
Wherein I may not, nay I dare not dally.
Bushenze:
Thus: since your hard conditions are such
That you will needs have everything right now,
May we have time to raise the taxes
On the classes of the lower and the mid?
Araphat:
That takes more time than we have to wait.
Hussein-Osama:
What Araphat, a little courtesy.
Let’s know their time, perhaps it is not long;
And ‘tis more subtle to obtain by stealth
Than to enforce conditions by constraint.
What respite ask you for, President?
Bushenze:
But a month.
Araphat:
Impossible!
Hussein-Osama:
‘Tis far too long to wait.
You’ll have a week, but see you keep your promise.
Exeunt terrorist contingent
Bushenze:
Go one and call those republicans of DC hither:
Were they not summoned to appear today?
First Conservative Aide:
They were, my lord, and here they come.
Enter Chenzabas with three Republican Aides
Second Conservative Aide:
Have you determined what to say to them?
Bushenze:
Yes, give me leave, and Centrist-Republicans now come near.
From the Arab Emirates is arrived Sheik Hussein-Osama
To levy of us 10 years’ tribute past,
Now then here know that it concerneth us:
Chenzabas:
Then good lord, to keep your quiet still,
Your lordship shall do well to let them have it.
Bushenze:
Soft Chenzabas, there’s more longs to’t than so.
To what this ten years’ tribute will amount,
That we have cast, but cannot compass it
By reason of the tax rebates that depleted our surplus;
And therefore are we to request your aid.
Chenzabas:
Alas, my lord, we are no soldiers:
And what’s our aid against to great a price?
Bushenze:
Tut, Republican, we know thou art no soldier;
Thou art a merchant, and a monied man,
And ‘tis thy money, Chenzabas, we seek.
Chenzabas:
How, my lord, my money?!?
Bushenze:
Thine and the rest.
For we are short so you must foot the bill.
First Republican Aide:
Alas, my lord, the most of us are poor!
Bushenze:
Then let the rich increase their portions,
Or raise the money how you may.
Chenzabas:
Are all parties to be taxed as we?
Second Conservative Aide:
Some will be.
Chenzabas:
How? Equally?
Bushenze:
No, like independents!
For through our sufferance of your hateful lives,
Who stand accursed in the sight of rational voters,
These taxes and afflictions are befallen,
Due to your close dependence on our right-wing voters,
You need us more than we need you;
Read the articles of our decrees.
First Conservative Aide: (reading)
First, the tribute money of the terrorists shall all be levied amongst the Republicans, and each of them to pay one half of his estate.
Chenzabas:
How, half of his estate? I hope you mean not mine.
Bushenze:
Read on.
First Conservative Aide: (reading)
Secondly, he that denies to pay, shall straight become a Conservative.
Chenzabas:
How, a Conservative? Hum, what’s here to do?
First Conservative Aide: (reading)
Lastly, he that denies this shall absolutely lose all he has.
Three Republican Aides:
Oh my lord, we will give half.
Chenzabas:
Oh earth-metalled villains, and no Republicans born!
And will you basely submit yourselves
To leave your goods to their salvation –
A situation they created on their own that now they’d have us fix?
Bushenze:
Why Chenzabas, wilt thou be re-registered?
Chenzabas:
No, Governor, I will be no convertite.
Bushenze:
Then pay thy half.
Chenzabas:
Why know you what you did by this device?
Half of my substance is a city’s wealth.
Governor, it was not got so easily;
Nor will I part so slightly therewithal.
Bushenze:
Sir, half is the penalty of our decree.
Either pay that, or we will seize it all.
Chenzabas:
Good Lord! Stay! You shall have half,
Let me be used but as my brethren are.
Bushenze:
No, Republican, thou hast denied the articles,
And now it cannot be recalled.
Chenzabas:
Will you then steal my goods?
Is theft the basis for your policies?
Exeunt First Conservative Aide, with several others
Bushenze:
No, Republican, we take particularly thine
To save the ruin of a multitude:
And better one want for a common good,
Than many perish for a private man:
Yet Bushabas, we will not banish thee,
But live here in DC, where thou got’st thy wealth,
Live still; and if thou canst, get more.
Chenzabas:
Conservatives; what, or how can I multiply?
Of nought is nothing made.
Second Conservative Aide:
From nought at first thou cam’st to little wealth,
From little unto more, from more to most:
If your first curse fall heavy on thy head,
And make the poor and scorned of all the world,
‘Tis not our fault, but thy inherent sin
And that of all your party.
Chenzabas:
Sputtering, unable to speak coherently.
Second Conservative Aide: (cutting Chenzabas off)
Grave Governor, list not to his exclaims:
Convert his mansion to a party headquarters,
His house will harbor many Conservative volunteers.
Enter First Conservative Aide, with those who left with him
Bushenze:
It shall be so: now, officers, have you done?
First Conservative Aide:
Ay, my lord, we have seized upon the goods
And wares of Chenzabas, which being valued
Amount to more than half the wealth in DC.
And of the others we have seized half.
Then we’ll raise taxes for the residue,
From the Democrats and despised liberals.
Chenzabas:
Well then my lord, say, are you satisfied?
You have my goods, my money, and my wealth,
My stocks, my bonds, and all that I enjoyed;
And having all, you can request no more;
Unless your unrelenting flinty hearts
Suppress all pity in your stony breasts,
And now shall move you to bereave my life.
Bushenze:
No, Chenzabas, to stain our hands with blood
Is far from us and our profession.
(Aside) We have people on our payroll for that sort of thing.
Now, we’re off to pay our tribute as required,
Which policy permits us to continue living as we do.
Exeunt all except Chenzabas and Republican Aides
Chenzabas:
Ay, policy? That’s their profession,
And not honesty as they profess.
I wish their souls to everlasting pains
And extreme tortures of the fierly deep,
That thus have dealt with me in my distress.
First Republican Aide:
Oh yet be patient, gentle Chenzabas.
Chenzabas:
Oh silly bretheren, born to see this day!
Why stand you thus unmoved with my laments?
Why weep you not to think upon my wrongs?
Why pine not I, and die in this distress?
Second Republican Aide:
Why, Chenzabas, as hardly we can brook
The cruel handling of ourselves in this:
Thou seest they have taken half our goods.
Chenzabas:
Why did you yield to their extortion?
You were a multitude, and I but one,
And of me only have they taken all.
Second Republican Aide:
Good Chenzabas, be patient.
Chenzabas:
Ay, pray leave me in my patience.
Give me liberty at least to mourn,
Let me sorrow for this sudden chance;
‘Tis in the trouble of my spirit that I speak;
Great injuries are not so soon forgot.
First Republican Aide:
Come, let us leave him in his ireful mood,
Our words do but increase his temper.
Second Republican Aide:
Indeed ‘tis misery to see a man in such affliction.
Farewell Chenzabas.
Exeunt Republican Aides
Chenzabas:
Ay, fare you well.
See the simplicity of these base Aides,
Who have no wit to protect themselves,
Barabas is born to better chance,
And framed of finer mould than common men,
That measure nought but the present time.
A reaching thought will search my deepest wits,
And cast with cunning for the time to come:
For evils are apt to happen every day.
But whither wends my beauteous Ashcrofta?
Enter Ashcrofta, Chenzabas’ daughter
Oh what had made my lovely daughter sad?
Ashcrofta:
Not for myself, but dearest father:
For thee lamenteth I, Ashcrofta.
But I will learn to leave these fruitless tears,
And urged thereto with my afflictions,
With fierce exclamations run to the senate-house,
And in the senate reprehend them all,
And rend their hearts with tearing of my hair,
Till they reduce the wrongs done to my father.
Chenzabas:
No, Ashcrofta, things past recovery
Are hardly cured with exclamations.
Be silent, daughter, sufferance breeds ease,
And time may yield us an occasion
Which on the sudden cannot serve the turn.
Besides my girl, think me not all so fond
As negligently to forgo so much
Without provision for myself and thee.
Ten million dollars, besides great many stocks,
Rich costly jewels, and stones infinite,
Fearing the worst of this before it fell,
I closely hid.
Ashcrofta:
Where father?
Chenzabas:
In my house, my girl.
Ashcrofta:
Then they shall ne’er be seen of us, my father:
For they have seized the house for their own use.
Chenzabas:
But they will give me leave once more, I trust,
To go into my house.
Ashcrofta:
That they will not,
For there I left the Governor placing party loyalists,
Displacing me, and of thy house they mean
To make a party headquarters, where none but their own
May enter in, and you especially barred.
Chenzabas:
My gold, my gold, and all my wealth is gone.
Oh cruel Conservatives, I have not deserved this plague.
Think thou that I, impatient in distress,
Shall hang myself, that I shall vanish with no trace?
No, I will live; no loathe I this my life:
I’ll rouse my senses, and awake myself,
To consider some method o’er these fools.
Daughter, I have it; thou perceiv’st the plight
Wherein these Conservatives have oppressed me:
Be ruled by me, for in extremity
We ought dismiss no possibility.
Ashcrofta:
Father, whate’er it be to injure them
That have so manifestly wronged us,
I, Ashcrofta, will attempt.
Chenzabas:
Why so;
Then thus, thou told’st me they have turned my house
Into a Conservative Party hold, and some sycophants are there.
Ashcrofta:
I did.
Chenzabas:
Then Ashcrofta, there must be my girl
Entreat the party chair to be admitted.
Ashcrofta:
How, as a Conservative?
Chenzabas:
Ay, daughter, for party affiliation
Hides many mischiefs from suspicion.
Ashcrofta:
Ay, but Father they will suspect me there.
Chenzabas:
Let ‘em suspect, but be thou so precise
As they may think it done of conviction.
Entreat ‘em fair, and give them friendly speech,
And seem to them as if thy desire was true,
Till thou hast gotten to be admitted.
Ashcrofta:
Thus father shall I much dissemble.
Chenzabas:
Tush,
As good dissemble that thou never meant’st
As first mean truth and then dissemble it;
A counterfeit profession is better
Than unseen hypocrisy.
Ashcrofta:
Well father, say I be admitted,
What then shall follow?
Chenzabas:
This shall follow then;
There I have hid close underneath the plank
That runs along your bedroom floor,
The gold and jewels which I kept for thee.
But here they come; be cunning Ashcrofta.
Ashcrofta:
Then father, go with me.
Chenzabas:
No, Ashcrofta, in this
It is necessary that I not be seen.
For I will seem to be offended with thee for’t.
Be close my girl, for this must fetch my gold.
Exeunt Chenzabas and Ashcrofta in different directions
Machiavelli:
Now here must I, to enter and explain
That Ashcrofta off to meet the party chair went,
While her father to consider his next move,
And watch that which he can.
Her speech to the party chair ‘tis such
That he is moved to enter her,
Yet he fears recriminations, and so requests a meet.
Once all regions party leaders are gathered for a feast,
Ashcrofta again pleads her case,
Now from a room within.
She entreats permission to learn their ways
As every convert must,
But from where she was wont to lie;
‘Tis agreed that she’ll be entered in the party,
Even lodging in her own old room.
This end her father saw, from o’er where he sat,
And called to her, to follow him.
And the party answered back,
“Hinder her not, thou man of little faith,
For she has made her mind up
And been admitted to our club.”
His acting was superb then, as he cried and gnashed his teeth,
Damning Ashcrofta to a fiery hell,
And pretending to real grief.
All while smiling to himself, for all the riches they would reap.
Enter Clint
Clint:
Who’s this? Fair Ashcrofta, the rich Republican’s daughter
Become a Conservative? Her father’s sudden fall
Has humbled her and brought her down to this:
Tut, she were fitter for a tale of love
Than to be part of their vile politics:
Enter Ron d’Leeza
Ron d’Leeza:
Why how now Clint, why seem you so blue?
Clint:
Believe me friend Ron d’Leeza, I have seen
The strangest sight, in my opinion,
That ever I beheld.
Ron d’Leeza:
What was’t, I prithee?
Clint:
A fair young maid scarce t’graduate from college,
The sweetest flower in any florist’s shop,
Cropped from the pleasures of the normal world,
And strangely metamorphosed a right-wing conservative nut.
Ron d’Leeza:
But say, what was she?
Clint:
Why, the rich republican’s daughter.
Ron d’Leeza:
Chenzabas, whose goods were lately seized?
Is she so fair?
Clint:
And matchless beautiful;
As had you seen her ‘twould have moved your heart,
Though fortified with walls of stone.
Ron d’Leeza:
And if she be so fair as you report,
‘Twere time well spent to go and visit her:
Clint:
I must and will, sir, there’s no choice for me.
Ron d’Leeza:
Nor for me if she be so fair as you do say.
Exeunt Clint and Ron d’Leeza
Act II, Scene i
Machiavelli:
‘Tis now the time for Chenzabas to wait, light in hand,
for daughter dear to prove her worth.
And in the shadow of the silent night
He doth wait and worry till she doth appear.
Happily she has made a time
To search the plank her father did appoint;
And there, behold, unseen, where she did find
The gold, the pearls, and jewels which he hid.
Now he espies the star of his own life,
His Ashcrofta, by her window, silent.
The bags drop down like manna from the sky,
Into his gaping open arms.
With promises to redeem her, and fear of suspicion at first light,
He swift aways to hide their regain’d treasure.
Act II, Scene ii
Enter Governor Bushenze and Major deMinor, (Vice Admiral of
both accompanied by Aides
Bushenze:
Now Captian, tell us whither thou art bound?
Whence is thy ship that anchors in our road?
And why thou cam’st ashore without our leave?
deMinor:
Governor of DC, hither I am bound;
My ship, the Flailing Dragon is of
And so am I, deMinor is my name;
Vice-Admiral unto the Republican-supporting King.
First Republican Aide:
‘Tis true, my lord, therefore entreat him well.
de Minor:
In sailing here from home, accosted
we the
And ran upon the terrorists anchored outside your ports.
Because we refused to lower our sails in honor of those ships,
Their creeping galleys soon had us in the chase:
But suddenly the wind began to rise,
And then we luffed and tacked, and fought at ease:
Some have we fired, and many we have sunk;
But one amongst the rest became our prize:
The captain’s slain, the rest remain in chains,
Of whom we would divest ourselves to you,
For stockade and interrogation at
your famed
Bushenze:
Major deMinor, I have heard of thee,
Welcome to DC, and to all of us;
But to admit your prisoners into
We may not, we dare not give consent
By reasons of a tributary league.
First Republican Aide:
Major deMinor, as thou respect’st us,
Persuade our Governor against the Sheik;
This truce we have is but in hope of gold,
And with that sum he craves we might wage war.
deMinor:
Will the
And trust their word against their weight in gold?
Bushenze:
We wish it were not so, but our hands behind us they have tied.
deMinor:
What is the sum that Hussein-Osama requires?
Bushenze:
One hundred million US dollars.
deMinor:
My lord and king owes gratitude to your country,
For battles entered on our side afore your birth.
Therefore side with me, and keep the gold:
I’ll email unto his Majesty for aid,
And not depart until I see you free.
Bushenze:
On this condition shall thy terrorists be imprisoned.
Go Aides and be sure that this is so.
Exeunt Republican Aides
Major deMinor, thou shalt have DC’s unending thanks.
We and our hawk-like Senate shall follow thee
And wage war on faux-terrorism, until the oil fields of the world are ours for free.
Exeunt All
Act II, Scene iii
Machiavelli:
Now Chenzabas receives the attentions
Of Ron d’Leeza, and later those of Clint,
Regarding the marriage prospects of his daughter.
He feigns affection for them both, alas,
He lies to both as he says to himself:
“Ere either they should have her
I’ll sacrifice her on a pile of wood.”
While inviting both to be not strangers at his house.
In addition, he takes on a new aide, Powellmore,
Vowing to teach him the tricks of political success;
“First be thou void of these affections,
Compassion, love, vain hope, and heartless fear,
Be moved at nothing, se thou pity none,
But to thyself smile then the other parties suffer.”
Visitor the first is Ron d’Leeza, hoping to best his friend.
Now he’s seen the fair Ashcrofta, he wants her for his own.
Chenzabas instructs his daughter to entertain the Governor’s son
With flirting and with promises, to belong to him alone.
Her protestations that her love belongs to Clint,
Are met with promises that this is a mere ploy,
And she shall have her love, her choice.
Whilst they are sequestered, enters the young Clint.
Chenzabas:
Whither goes thou Clint? Stay a while.
Clint:
Whither but to my fair love Ashcrofta?
Chenzabas:
Thou know’st, and heaven can witness it is true,
That I intend my daughter shall be thine.
Clint:
Ay, Chenzabas, or else thou wrong’st me much.
You know this match’ll cost me my own mother’s love.
Yet, I care not, so much do I love my own Ashcrofta.
Chenzabas:
Oh heaven forbid I should have such a thought.
Pardon me though I weep; the Governor’s son
Will, whether I will or no, have Ashcrofta:
He sends her letters, bracelets, jewels, rings.
Clint:
Does she receive them?
Chenzabas:
She? No, Clint, no, but sends them back,
And when he comes, she locks herself up fast;
Yet through the keyhole he will talk to her.
Clint:
Oh treacherous Ron d’Leeza,
Whom I counted once as friend.
Chenzabas:
Even now as I came home, he slipped me in,
And I am sure he is with Ashcrofta.
Clint:
I’ll rouse him thence.
Draws his sword
Chenzabas:
Not for all of DC, therefore sheathe your sword;
If you love me, no quarrels in my house;
But steal you in, and seem to see him not;
I’ll give him such a warning ere he goes
As he shall have small hopes of Ashcrofta.
Away, for here they come.
Enter Ron d’Leeza and Ashcrofta
Clint:
What hand in hand, I cannot suffer this.
Chenzabas:
Clint, as thou lov’st me, not a word.
Clint:
Well, let it pass, another time shall serve.
Exeunt Clint
Ron d’Leeza:
Chenzabas, is that not Clintona’s son?
Chenzabas:
Ay, and take heed, for he hath sworn your death.
Ron d’Leeza:
My death? Why is that democratic peasant mad?
Chenzabas:
No, no, but happily he stands in fear
Of that which you, I think, ne’er dream upon,
My daughter here, a paltry silly girl.
Ron d’Leeza:
Why, loves she that one, Clint?
Chenzabas:
Doth she not with her smiling answer you?
Ashcrofta:
(Aside) He has my heart, I smile against my will.
Ron d’Leeza:
Chenzabas, thou know’st I have loved thy daughter long.
Chenzabas:
And so she has done you, even from a child.
Ron d’Leeza:
And now I can no longer hold my mind.
Chenzabas:
Nor I the affection I bear to you.
Ron d’Leeza:
This is thy diamond, tell me, shall I have it?
Chenzabas:
Win it and wear it, it is yet unsoiled.
Oh but I know your lordship would distain
To marry with the daughter of a conservative:
And yet I’ll give her many a golden cross
With hawkish decorations ‘bout the thing.
Ron d’Leeza:
‘Tis not thy wealth, but her that I esteem,
Yet crave I thy consent.
Chenzabas:
And mine you shall have, yet let me talk to her.
(Aside to Ashcrofta) This gentle maggot Ron d’Leeza I mean,
Must be deluded: let him have thy hand,
But keep thy heart till your own Clint does come.
Ashcrofta:
(Aside to father) What shall I be betrothed to Ron d’Leeza?
Chenzabas:
(Aside to Ashcrofta)It’s no sin to deceive a Republican;
For they themselves hold it a principal,
Faith is not to be held with heretics;
But all are heretics that are not Conservatives;
This follows well, and therefore daughter fear not.
(Back to Ron d’Leeza) I have entreated her, and she will grant,
Ron d’Leeza:
Then gentle Ashcrofta plight thy faith to me.
Ashcrofta:
I cannot choose, seeing my father bids:
Nothing but death shall part my love and me.
Ron d’Leeza:
Now I have that for which my soul hath longed.
Chenzabas:
(Aside) So have not I, but yet I hope I shall.
Ashcrofta:
(Aside) Oh wretched Ashcrofta, what hast thou done?
Ron d’Leeza:
Why on the sudden is your color changed?
Ashcrofta:
I know not, but farewell, I must be gone.
Ron d’Leeza:
Mute o’ the sudden; here’s a sudden change.
Chenzabas:
Oh muse not at it, ‘tis the conservative’s guise,
That maidens new betrothed should weep a while:
Trouble her not, sweet Ron d’Leeza depart:
She is thy wife, and thou shalt be mine heir.
Ron d’Leeza:
Oh, is’t the custom, then I am resolved;
But rather let the brightsome heavens be dim,
And nature’s beauty choke with stifling clouds,
Than my fair Ashcrofta should frown on me.
There comes the villain, now I’ll be revenged.
Enter Mathias
Chenzabas:
Be quiet Ron d’Leeza, it is enough
That I have made thee sure to Ashcrofta.
Ron d’Leeza:
Well, let him go.
Exeunt Ron d’Leeza
Chenzabas:
Well, but for me, as you went in at doors
You had been stabbed, but not a word on’t now;
Here must no speeches pass, nor swords be drawn.
Clint:
Suffer me, Chenzabas, but to follow him.
Chenzabas:
No, so shall I, if any hurt be done,
Be made an accessory of your deeds;
Revenge it on him when you meet him next.
Clint:
For this I’ll have his heart.
Chenzabas:
Do so; lo here I give thee my Ashcrofta.
Clint:
What greater gift can poor Clint desire?
Shall Ron d’Leeza rob me of so fair a love?
My life is not so dear as is Ashcrofta.
Chenzabas:
My heart misgives me, that to cross your love,
He’s with your mother, therefore after him.
Clint:
What, he is gone unto my mother?
Chenzabas:
Nay, if you will, stay till she comes herself.
Clint:
I cannot stay; for if my mother come,
She’ll die of grief.
Exeunt Clint
Ashcrofta:
I cannot take my leave of him for tears:
Father, why have you thus incensed them both?
Chenzabas:
What’s that to thee?
Ashcrofta:
I’ll make ‘em friends again.
Chenzabas:
You’ll make ‘em friends?
Are there not conservatives enough in town,
But thou must dote upon a democrat?
Ashcrofta:
I will have Clint, he is my true love.
Chenzabas:
Yes, you shall have him.
(To Powellmore) Go, lock her in her chamber.
Powellmore:
Ay, I’ll put her in.
Puts Ashcrofta in (out of sight)
Chenzabas:
Now tell me Powellmore, how lik’st thou this?
Powellmore:
Faith master, I think by this
You purchase both their lives; is it not so?
Chenzabas:
True: and it shall be cunningly performed.
Powellmore:
Oh, master, that I might have a hand in this.
Chenzabas:
Ay, so thou shalt, ‘tis thou must do the deed:
Take this and bear it straight right to Clint,
And tell him that it comes from Ron d’Leeza.
Powellmore:
‘Tis poisoned, is it not?
Chenzabas:
No, no, and yet it might be done that way:
It is a challenge, feigned from Ron d’Leeza.
Powellmore:
Fear not, I’ll so set this heart afire, that he shall verily
Think it comes from him.
Chenzabas:
I cannot choose but like thy readiness:
Yet be not rash, but do it cunningly.
Powellmore:
As I behave myself in this, employ me hereafter.
Chenzabas:
Away then.
Exeunt Powllmore
ACT III, Scene i
Machiavelli:
A brief scene this is, in which
Young Powellmore completes his set’pon task,
Then spies the lovely Tenantella hid,
With her man-servant name’d by Muler.
Struck is Powellmore with a desire,
To possess the lovely agent undercover,
Despite all peril, all loyalty aside.
Returneth he to the home of Chenzabas,
Reporting that their game is now afoot.
ACT III, Scene ii
Enter Clint
Clint:
This is the place, now Ashcrofta shall see
Whether Clint holds her dear or no.
Enter Ron d’Leeza, reading
Ron d’Leeza:
What, dares the villain write in such base terms?
Clint:
I did it, and revenge it if thou dar’st.
Draw swords and begin to duel
Enter Chenzabas above
Chenzabas:
Oh bravely fought, and yet they thrust not home.
Now Ron d’Leeza, now young Clint, also;
Both fall
Voices:
Part ‘em, part em!
Chenzabas:
Ay, part ‘em now they’re dead: farewell, farewell.
Exeunt Chenzabas
Enter Governor Bushenze, Clintona (Clint’s
mother) and citizens
Bushenze:
What sight is this? My Ron d’Leeza slain!
These arms of mine shall be thy sepulchure.
Clintona:
Who is this? My only child Clint is slain!
Thy son slew mine, and I’ll revenge his death.
Bushenze:
Look, Clintona, thy son gave mine these wounds.
Clintona:
O leave me to greive me, I am grieved enough.
Bushenze:
Oh, that my sighs could turn to lively breath:
And these, my tears to blood that he might live.
Clintona:
Who made them enemies?
Bushenze:
I know not, and that grieves me most of all.
Clintona:
My son thought yours a friend, I know not why.
Bushenze:
And so did my son yours.
Clintona:
Lend me that weapon that did kill my son,
And it shall murder me.
Bushenze:
Nay Madam stay, that weapon was my son’s,
And on that rather I should die.
Let’s inquire the causers of their deaths,
That we may work together just this once,
That we may venge their blood upon their heads.
Bushenze:
Then take them up, and let them be interred
Within on sacred monument of stone;
Upon which alter I will offer up
My daily sacrifice of sigh and tears,
And with my independent council parse the reason
And incriminate the causers of their quarrel,
Which forced their hands divide united friends;
Come, Clintona, our losses equal are,
Then of true grief let us take equal share.
ACT III, Scene iii
Enter Powellmore
Powellmore:
Why, was there ever seen such villany,
So neatly plotted, and so well performed?
Enter Ashcrofta
Ashcrofta:
Why how now Powellmore, why laugh’st thou so?
Powellmore:
Oh, mistress, ha, ha, ha.
Ashcrofta:
Why what ail’st thou?
Powellmore:
Oh my master.
Ashcrofta:
Ha.
Powellmore:
Oh mistress! I have the bravest, gravest, secret, subtle, politically-savvy knave to my master, that ever an aide had.
Ashcrofta:
Say, knave, why rail’st upon my father thus?
Powellmore:
Oh, my master has the slickest political mind,
It’s ever been my pleasure to observe.
Ashcrofta:
What mean’st thou?
Powellmore:
Why, know you not?
Ashcrofta:
Why no.
Powellmore:
Know you not of Clint and Ron d’Leeza’s calamitous disaster?
Ashcrofta:
No, what was it?
Powellmore:
Why the devil invented a challenge, my master writ it, and I carried it,
First to Ron d’Leeza, and then quickly on to Clint.
And then they met, and as the story says,
In doleful wise they ended both their days.
Ashcrofta:
And was my father furtherer of their deaths?
Powellmore:
Am I Powellmore?
Ashcrofta:
Yes.
Powellmore:
So sure did your father write, and I carry the challenge.
Ashcrofta:
I see. Well, Powellmore, let me request of thee,
Go to the new-made GOP headquarters,
In the place that once were my own home,
And tell Father Roberston, I would’st speak with him.
Powellmore:
I will forsooth, mistress.
Exeunt Powellmore
Ashcrofta:
Hard-hearted father, unkind Chenzabas,
Was this the pursuit of thy policy?
To make me show them favor serially,
That by my favor should they both be slain?
And with kind Clint’s untimely death,
‘Tis though, thou murder’st me as well.
Now I perceive there is no love on earth,
‘Twixt any human being;
Matters it not thy party affiliation nor thy tie by blood,
There is no love on earth but man’s love for politics, and its power.
Enter Friar Patricio Robertson,
Official Minister and Confessor to the Republican Party, Reliever of
all their sins
with Powellmore
Friar Robertson:
Greetings my child.
Ashcrofta:
Welcome grave friar:
Powellmore, away with thee.
Exeunt Powellmore
Ashcrofta:
Know holy sir, I am bold to solicit thee.
Friar Robertson:
Wherein?
Ashcrofta:
To get me be admitted for a Republican, a real hawk.
Friar Robertson:
Why Ashcrofta it is not long since
That I did labor thy admission,
And then thou didst not like that holy life.
Ashcrofta:
Then were my thoughts so frail and unconfirmed.
And I was chained to follies of the world:
But now experience, purchased with my grief,
Has made me see the difference of things.
My conservative soul, alas, has paced too long
The fatal labyrinth of reason and of moderates,
Far from the party that offers eternal life.
Friar Robertson:
Who taught thee this?
Ashcrofta:
The leader of the GOP,
Whose zealous admonition I embrace:
Oh therefore, Friar Robertson, let me be one,
Although unworthy of that exalted party.
Friar Robertson:
Ashcrofta I will, but see thou change no more,
For that will be most heavy to my soul.
Exeunt Ashcrofta and Friar Robertson
ACT III, Scene iv
Machiavelli:
Aye, now the poultry, does begin to roost,
And Chenzabas learns of his daughter’s choice.
“Inconstant Ashcrofta!” He cries aloud.
For now she is hateful to his soul and heart.
He offers to adopt his faithful Aide,
If he but perform one small task more:
The murder of his daughter, Ashcrofta.
B’twixt them they prepare a meal,
Spiced as was the cup to Caesar brought,
Powellmore to deliver it, with message clear,
That it was meant for those in power working,
To continue the GOP’s work;
From a donor whose name is cloaked in darkness
But who is giving to promote the cause.
So goes Powellmore, once more into the breach,
To do the deeds of one who would remain,
Free of the title murderer or accomplice.
But once he’s off, Chenzaba plan’th ahead,
To keep his name clear,
By assuring Powellmore’s soon dead.
Act III, Scene v
Enter Governor Bushenze, Major deMinor,
Various Aides, Sheik Araphat
Bushenze:
Welcome great Araphat, how fares Hussein-Osama?
What wind drives you thus into DC now?
Araphat:
The wind that bloweth all the world besides,
Desire of the power only money can purchase.
Bushenze:
Desire of money, great sir?
That’s to be gotten elsewhere, not from here.
Araphat:
To you of DC thus saith Hussein-Osama:
The time you took for respite is at hand,
For the performance of your promise past;
And for the tribute-money I am sent.
Bushenze:
Hussein-Osama, in brief, shalt have no tribute here,
Nor shall we negotiate with terrorists a’more:
First we raze the city walls ourselves,
Lay waste the country, hew the buildings down.
Araphat:
Well, Governor, since thou hast broke the league
By flat denial of the promised tribute.
Talk not or pulling down your city walls,
You shall not need to trouble yourselves so far,
For Hussein-Osama shall come to you himself,
And with suicide bombers batter down your towers,
And turn proud DC to a wilderness
For these intolerable wrongs of yours;
And so farewell.
Bushenze:
And now you Republicans look about,
And let’s conscript the young men, and the poor,
Who’ll volunteer their son or daughter to this war?
Not I, not you, nor any monied men for sure.
So now, wrap ourselves with our spangled flag,
And speak of courage and of victory,
For nought is to be looked for now but wars,
And nought to us more welcome is than those.
ACT III, Scene vi
Enter Friar Robertson and a republican aide
Friar Robertson:
Oh brother, brother, all the volunteers are sick,
And everyone working in the new HQ;
A physic will not help them; they shall die.
Enter Ashcrofta
Aide:
What, all dead save only Ashcrofta?
Ashcrofta:
And I shall die too, for I feel death coming.
But first I must confess all sins to thee.
Be you my ghostly father; and first know,
That in this house I lived Republicanly,
Planning, stuffing envelopes, answering phones.
But ere I came –
Exeunt Aide to check on others in GOP headquarters
Friar Robertson:
What then?
Ashcrofta:
I did offend high heaven so grievously,
As I am almost desperate for my sins:
And one offence torments me more than all.
You knew Ron d’Leeza and knew Clint?
Friar Robertson:
Yes, what of them?
One a Conservative and one Democrat.
Ashcrofta:
My father did contract me to ‘em both:
First to Ron d’Leeza, him I never loved;
Clint was the only man I ‘ere held dear,
And he’s the reason I ended here.
Friar Robertson:
So, say now, how was their end?
Ashcrofta:
Both jealous of my love, forbidden though it was,
The envied each other, though they had been friends.
And by my father’s practice, which is there,
Set down at large, the gallants were both slain.
Hands him a piece of paper
Friar Robertson:
Oh monstrous villainy!
Ashcrofta:
To work my peace, this I confess to thee,
Reveal it not, for then my father dies.
Friar Robertson:
Know that confession must not be revealed,
The canon law forbids it, and that I must uphold.
Ashcrofta:
So I have heard, pray therefore keep it close,
Death seizeth on my heart, ah gentle friar.
Witness that I die a solemn convert
And bury me under the GOP.
Enter Aide
Aide:
Oh father, all inhabitants are dead, let’s bury them.
Friar Robertson:
Yes, and then we go, together, to exclaim against Chenzabas.
Aide:
Why? What has he done?
Insisted that the senate’s children serve?
Friar Robertson:
No, but a worse thing: ‘twas told to me in her last souls confession
Thou know’st I cannot tell, but trust me,
Evil has been done and needs t’account.
Exeunt with Ashcrofta’s
body
ACT IV, Scene i
Machiavelli:
Opening here with Chenzabas rejoicing,
O’er the destruction wrought Powellmore and he:
Who worries still that they could yet be caught.
“Fear not, thou Aide,” says Chenzabas,
“Naught knows but us and we would never tell.”
But can they trust each other?
ACT IV, Scene ii
Enter Undercover Agent Tenatella with partner
Muler
Tenantella:
Muler, didst thou meet with Powellmore?
Muler:
I did.
Tenantella:
And didst thou deliver him my letter?
Muler:
I did.
Tenantella:
And what think’st thou, will he come?
Muler:
I think so, and yet I cannot tell,
For at the reading of the letter,
He looked like a man of another world.
Tenantella:
How so?
Muler:
That such a low Aide as he should be
Addressed by such a well-placed man as am,
With greetings from a beauty such as you.
Enter Powellmore
Powellmore:
Here’s her office, and here she comes herself,
And now would I were gone,
I am not worthy to e’n look up on her.
Muler:
This is the gentleman you writ to.
Tenantella:
Is’t not a sweet faced youth?
Powellmore:
(Aside) They mock me,
Call me gentleman and such.
I’ll go.
Turns as if to leave
Tenantella:
Wither so soon?
Powellmore:
Pray pardon me. I must away,
There’s work awaits me at my master’s office.
Tenantella:
Can’st thou be so unkind to leave me thus?
Muler:
And did ye but know how she loves you, sir?
Powellmore:
Nay, I care not how much she loves me; sweet Tenantella,
Would I had my masters wealth for thy sake.
Tenantella:
And you shall have it, sir, and if you please.
Powellmore:
If ‘twere above ground I could, and I would have it; but
He hides and buries it up as Republicans do,
In hedges, false partnerships, and loopholes.
Tenantella:
And is’t not possible to find it out?
Powellmore:
By no means possible.
Tenantella:
(Aside to Muler) What shall we do with this young fool now, then?
Muler:
(Aside to Tenantella) I’ll think on it, but do you speak him fair.
(To Powellmore) But you know some secrets of your master’s party,
Which if they were revealed, would do him harm.
Powellmore:
Ay, and such as – Go to, no more, I’ll make him send me half he has,
And glad he ‘scapes so too. Pen and ink:
I’ll write unto him, we’ll have money straight.
Tenantella:
Send you for fifty thousand dollars.
Powellmore:
Five hundred thousand’s better yet.
He writes
‘Master Chenzabas’
Muler:
Write not so submissively, but threatening him.
Powellmore:
‘Chenzabas, send me $100,000.’
Muler:
Put in 200 at least.
Powellmore:
‘I charge thee send me $300,000 by this bearer,
and this shall be your warrant; if you do not, no more but so.’
Muler:
Tell him you will confess.
Powellmore:
‘Otherwise I will confess it all.’
Vanish, and return in a twinkle.
Exeunt Muler
Tenantella:
Now gentle Powellmore, lie in my lap.
Where are my maids? Provide a running banquet;
Send to the merchant, bid him bring me silks,
Shall Powellmore my love go in such rags.
Powellmore:
And bid the jeweler come hither too.
Tenantella:
I have no husband sweet, I’ll marry thee.
Powellmore:
Content, but we will leave this paltry land,
And sail from hence away, to some land that knows not extradition,
I’ll be thy Jason, thou my golden fleece;
Where painted carpets o’er the meads are hurled,
And Bacchus’ vineyards o’er-spread the world:
Where woods and forests go in goodly green,
I’ll be Adonis, thou shalt be Love’s Queen.
The meads, the orchards, and the primrose lands,
Instead of city blocks and traffic lanes:
Thou in those groves, my heart’s desire,
Shalt live with me and be my love.
Tenantella:
Wither will I not go with gentle Powellmore.
Enter Muler
Powellmore:
How now? Hast thou the cash?
Muler:
Yes.
Powellmore:
Came it freely?
Muler:
At reading of the letter, he stared and stamped and turned aside,
I took him by the arm, and looked upon him thus;
Told him he were best to send it,
Then he hugged and embraced me.
Powellmore:
Rather for fear than love.
Muler:
Then he laughed and jeered, and told me he loved me for your sake,
and said what a faithful Aide you had been.
Powellmore:
The more villain he to keep me thus: Here’s goodly apparel, is there not?
Muler:
To conclude, he gave me $100.
Powellmore:
But 100? I’ll not leave him worth a dollar.
Give me a ream of paper, we’ll have
a kingdom’s gold for it.
Muler:
Write for $500,000
Powellmore:
(Writes) ‘Chenzaba, as you love your life send me $500,000, and give the bearer $50,000.”
Tell him I must have’t.
Muler:
I warrant you shall have it.
Powellmore:
And if he ask why I demand so much,
Tell him I scorn to write a line under $100,000.
Muler:
You’d make a rich poet, sir. I am gone.
Exeunt Muler
Powellmore:
Take thou the money, spend it for my sake.
Hands her the $100
Tenantella:
‘Tis not thy money, but thy self I weigh:
Thus Tenantella esteems of cash
Throws it aside
But thus of thee
Kisses him
Come dear love, let’s in and sleep together.
Powellmore:
Oh that ten thousand nights were put in one,
That we might sleep seven years together afore we wake.
Tenantella:
Come amorous one, first banquet and then sleep.
Exeunt they, together
Act IV, Scene iii
Enter Chenzabas reading a letter
Chenzabas:
‘Chenzabas send me $300,000.”
Plain Chenzabas: Oh that wicked intelligence agent!
He was not wont to call me Chenzabas.
‘Or else I will confess’: ay, there it goes:
Oh I will cut his throat myself for that.
Enter Muler
Muler:
You! I must ha’ more cash.
Chenzabas:
Why, was there some missing from your last?
Muler:
No, but $300, will not be sufficient after all.
Chenzabas:
Not be sufficient?
Muler:
No sir, and therefore I must have $500,000 more.
Chenzabas:
I’d rather –
Muler:
Oh good words, sir, and send it you were best;
See, here’s his letter.
Chenzabas:
Might he not as well come as send?
Pray bid him come and fetch it;
What he writes for you, ye shall have it straight.
Muler:
Ay, and the rest too, or else –
Chenzabas:
(Aside) I must make this villain away.
(to Muler) Please, you dine with me, sir, and you shall be most heartily (aside) poisoned.
Muler:
No, my goodness, shall I have this money?
Chenzabas:
I cannot do it, I have lost my keys.
Muler:
Oh, if that be all, I can pick ope your locks.
Stall me no more.
The cash, or know now it is in my power to hang thee.
Chenzabas:
(Aside) I am betrayed.
(To Muler) ‘Tis not the money that I esteem,
I am not moved at that: this angers me,
That he who knows I love him as myself
Should write in this imperious vein! Why sir,
You know I have no child, and unto whom
Should I leave all but unto Powellmore.
Muler:
There’s many words, but not the cash; the cash.
Chenzabas:
Commend me to him, sir, most humbly,
And unto your good mistress whom I’ve not met.
Muler:
Speak, shall I have it sir?
Chenzabas:
Sir, here it is.
Hands money to Muler
(Aside) Oh that I should part with so much cash!
(To Muler) Here take ‘em, fellow, with as good a will –
(Aside) As I would see thee hanged.
(To Muler) Oh, love stops my breath:
Never loved an Aide as I do Powellmore.
Muler:
I know it sir.
Chenzabas:
Pray when, sir, shall I see you at my house?
Muler:
Soon enough to your cost, sir: fare you well
Exeunt Muler
Chenzabas:
Nay to thine own cost, villain, if thou com’st.
Was ever a Conservative, or even a neo-con tormented as I am?
Well, I must seek a means to rid ‘em all,
And presently: for in his villainy
He will tell all he knows and I shall die for’t.
I have it.
I will in some disguise go see the Aide,
And how the villain revels with my gold.
Exeunt
ACT IV, Scene iv
Machiavelli:
While Muler and Chenzabas dueled with words,
Powellmore and Tenantella plied each ‘tother,
With whispers, kisses, and with wine and sweets,
Now, with his love beside him, and with wine,
Powellmore’s tongue is loosened in his head.
He tells the tale of forged duel, and then,
The one of poisoned meals at headquarters.
Before he falls asleep she’s already planning,
How best to tell the Governor of his crimes.
Enter Chenzabas with a lute, disguised
Tenantella:
A wandering musician, come let’s hear your skill.
Chenzabas:
Must tune my lute for sound, twang twang first.
Powellmore:
Wilt drink musician, here’s to thee with a – Pox on this drunken hiccup.
Tenantella:
Prithee, Muler, bid the fiddler give me the posy in his hat there.
Muler:
Hey! You must give my mistress your posy.
Chenzabas:
As you wish.
Tenantella:
How sweet, my Powellmore, the flowers smell.
Powellmore:
Like thy breath, sweetheart, no violet like them.
Muler:
Fah, methinks they stink like a hollyhock.
Chenzabas:
(Aside) So, now I am revenged upon ‘em all.
The scent thereof was death, I poisoned it.
Powellmore:
Play, fiddler, or I’ll cut your cat’s guts into chitterlings.
Chenzabas:
Pardon, pardon, no in tune yet; so now, now all be in.
Powellmore:
Give him a tip and pour me some more wine.
Muler:
Here’s a twenty, now play something.
Chenzabas:
(Aside) See how liberally he gives me my own money.
Muler:
Methinks he fingers very well.
Chenzabas:
(Aside) So did you when you stole from me.
Tenantella:
Musician, hast thou been in DC long?
Chenzabas:
Two, three, four month madame.
Powellmore:
Dost you know a neo-con named Chenzabas?
Chenzabas:
Very much, sir, you no be this man.
Powellmore:
Not I, no, I scorn the peasant, see you tell him so.
Chenzabas:
(Aside) Faith, this he knows already.
Tenantella:
Whither now, fiddler?
Chenzabas:
Pardon me, madam, I feel not well.
Muler:
Farewell then, fiddler
Exeunt Chenzabas
One more letter to Chenzabas.
Tenantella:
Prithee sweet love, one more, and write it sharp.
Powellmore:
No, I’ll send if by word of mouth now;
Bid him deliver thee one million dollars, by the same token,
That the GOP loves food, that the young men loved his Ashcrofta,
Any of ‘em will do it.
Muler:
Let me alone to urge it now I know the meaning.
Powellmore;
The meaning has a meaning; come let’s in:
To undo a Conservative is charity, not a sin.
Exeunt all
ACT V, Scene i
Enter Governor Bushenze, Major deMinor, Aides,
politicians and police
Followed immediately by Tenantella and Muler
from opposite side
Tennantella:
Oh bring us to the Governor.
Bushenze:
Away with her, she is an exposed agent.
Tenantella:
Whate’re I am, yet Governor, hear me speak;
I bring thee news by whom thy son was slain:
Clint did it not, though Democrat he be,
It was the Republican, Chenzabas.
Muler:
Who, besides the slaughter of these gentlemen,
Poisoned his own daughter and the GOP volunteers,
And faith I know not what other evil besides.
Bushenze:
Had we but proof of this.
Tenantella:
Strong proof, my lord, his Aide’s now at my office.
He was his agent, he’ll confess it all.
Bushenze:
Go fetch them straight.
Exeunt police
I never trusted him.
Enter police with Chenzabas and Powellmore
Chenzabas:
I’ll go alone, dogs, do not rush me thus.
Powellmore:
Nor me neither, I cannot outrun you officer, oh my stomach.
Chenzabas:
(Aside) One dram of powder more had made all sure,
What a damned fool I was not to use more.
Bushenze:
Make fires, heat irons, let the independent council be convened.
Politician:
Nay, stay my lord, ‘t may be he will confess.
Chenzabas:
Confess; what mean you, lords, who should confess?
Bushenze:
Thou and thy Aide; ‘twas you that slew my son.
Powellmore:
Guilty my lord, I confess; you son and Clint as well
Were both contracted unto Ashcrofta,
Forged a counterfeit challenge.
Chenzabas:
Who carried that challenge?
Powellmore:
I carried it, I confess, but who writ it?
The same one that poisoned the volunteers and his own daughter.
Bushabas:
Away with him, his sight is death to me.
Chenzabas:
For what? You men of DC, hear me speak;
She’s a double agent and he a thief,
And he my employee as well, let me have law,
I demand my day in court,
For none of this can come before a jury;
All gained illegally, fruit of the poisoned tree.
Bushabas:
Once more, away with him.
We’ll see him in court.
Chenzabas:
Devils do your worst, I live in spite of you.
As these have spoke so be it to their souls.
(Aside) I hope those poisoned flowers do their work soon.
Exeunt police with Chenzabas, Powellmore,
Tenantella and Muler
Enter Clint’s mother, Clintona
Clintona:
Was my Clint murdered by the zealot?
Bushenze, ‘twas thy son that murdered him.
Bushenze:
Be patient, grieving mother, it was he,
He forged the daring challenge made them fight.
Clintona:
Where is Chenzabas? Where is that murdering man?
Bushenze:
In prison till the law has passed on him.
Enter officer, running
Officer:
Governor, the intelligence agents both are dead;
So is Chenenze, and his Aide is too.
Bushenze:
Dead?
Officer:
Dead, my lord, and here they bring the bodies.
Enter officers, carrying all as dead
Governor’s Aide:
This sudden death of theirs is very strange.
Bushenze:
Wonder not at it now, the heavens are just.
Their deaths were like their lives, then think not of ‘em.
Since they are dead, let them be buried.
But for Chenzabas, he deserves no rite.
Throw his body o’er the walls of the city,
To be food for vultures and other beasts.
Officers throw Chenzabas’ body
Exeunt all but Chenzabas, with other bodies
Chenzabas:
What, all alone? Well fare sleepy drink.
I’ll be revenged on this accursed town;
For by my means Hussein-Osama shall come in.
I’ll help to slay their children and their wives,
To burn the congress, pull the financial center down,
I hope to see the Governor indicted,
And placed before a special prosecutor.
Enter Sheiks Hussein-Osama and Araphat with
minions
Hussein-Osama:
Whom have we here, a spy?
Chenzabas:
Yes, by good man, one that can spy a place
Where you may enter, and surprise the town:
My name is Chenzabas;
I am a hard-line Conservative.
Hussein-Osama:
Are you the one whose goods we heard were confiscated,
Taken and sold for tribute money?
Chenzabas:
The very same, ‘tis I:
And since that time they have lured away my best Aide
To accuse me of a thousand villanies:
I was imprisoned, but ‘scaped their hands.
Hussein-Osama:
Did’st break prison?
Chenzabas:
No, no:
I drank of poppy and cold mandrake juice;
And being asleep, belike they thought me dead,
And threw me o’er the walls: so, or how else,
Chenzabas is here, and stands at your command.
Hussein-Osama:
‘Twas bravely done: but tell me Chenzabas,
Canst thou, as thou reportest,
Make the government itself to fall?
Chenzabas:
Fear not, my partner, for here against the sluice,
The rock is hollow, and of purpose digged,
To make a passage for the running streams
And common channels of the city.
Now whilst you give assault unto the walls,
I’ll lead 500 soldiers through the vault,
And rise with them i’ th’ middle of the town,
Open the gates for you to enter in,
And by this means the city is your own.
Hussein-Osama:
If this be true, I’ll make thee President.
Chenzabas:
And if it not be true, then let me die.
Hussein-Osama:
Thou’st doomed thyself, let us begin at once.
Exeunt
ACT V, Scene ii
Machiavelli:
Now Chenzabas’s life is spared again,
Can anyone harm, or either trust this man?
The Democrats and the Republicans,
All prisoners of the terrorists’ wild plan,
Chenzabas set upon the highest seat,
But without a friend or ally but a plan.
With all subject citizens in hatred of him vile,
He fears for his life, his money, while he plots.
Enter Bushenze, brought before Chenzabas by a guard
Exeunt guard
Chenzabas:
This is the reason that I sent for thee;
Thou seest thy life, and DC’s happiness,
Are at my abitrament; and Chenzabas
At his discretion may dispose of both:
Now tell me Governor, and plainly too,
What think’st thou shall become of it and thee?
Bushenze:
Since things are in your power now,
I see no reason but of DC’s wrack,
Nor hope of thee but extreme cruelty.
Chenzabas:
Good words, be not so furious;
‘Tis not thy life which can avail me aught,
Yet you do live, and live for me you shall:
And as for DC’s ruin, think you not
‘Twere slender policy for Chenzabas
To dispossess himself of such a place?
‘Tis here, as you once said, within this city
In DC here, that I have got my goods,
And in this city sill have had success,
And now at length am grown your President,
Yourselves shall see it shall not be forgot:
For as a friend not known, until distress,
I’ll raise up DC now remediless.
Bushenze:
Will Chenzabas recover DC’s loss?
Will Chenzabas be fair to other parties?
Chenzabas:
What wilt thou give me, partner, to procure
A dissolution of the slavish bands
Wherein the terrorists hath yoked you and your party?
What will you give me if I render you
The life of Hussein-Osama and his men?
And in a suburban office securely lock
Away his soldiers, till the block burns to the ground?
What will you give him that procureth this?
Bushenze:
Do but bring this to pass which thou pretendest,
Deal fairly with all parties that exist,
And I will send amongst the voters,
And by my assistants privately procure
Great sums of money for thy recompense:
Nay more, do this, and live thou President still.
Chenzabas:
Nay, do thou this, Bushenze, and be free;
Go walk about the city, see thy friends:
Tush, send them not letters, rather go thyself,
And let me see what money thou canst make;
Here is my hand that I’ll set DC free:
And thus we cast it: to a solemn feast
I will invite Sheik Hussein-Osama and his flock,
You’ll be there one stratagem to perform,
Details of which I’ll soon impart to thee,
But know, no danger shall betide thy life,
And I will warrant DC free forever,
From terror, nay e’en the threat of terror.
Bushenze:
Here is my hand, believe me, Chenzabas,
I will be there, and do as thou instructest;
When is the time?
Chenzabas:
Patience, now, it will be presently,
For Hussein-Osama, when he hath viewed the town,
Will take his leave and sail toward Mid-Eastern shores.
Bushenze:
Then will I, Chenzabas, begin to raise the funds,
And bring them with me to thee in the evening.
Chenzabas:
Do so, but fail not; now, away Bushenze.
Exeunt Bushenze
And thus far roundly goes the business:
Thus loving neither, will I live with both,
Making a profit from my policy;
And he from whom my most advantage comes,
Shall be my friend.
This is the life Conservatives are meant to lead;
And reason too, Republicans to the like,
Well, now go to put it all in motion:
First to surprise the terror cells below me,
And then to make provision for the feast,
That at one instant all things may be done.
My policy detests prevention:
To what event my secret purpose drives,
I know; and they shall witness with their lives.
ACT V, Scene iii
Enter Sheiks Hussein-Osama and Araphat, with
minions
Hussein-Osama:
Thus have we viewed the city, seen the sack,
And caused the ruins to be repaired,
Which with our suiciders and their bombs,
We rent in sunder at our entry:
And now I see the situation,
And how secure this conquered country stands
Environed with internal treachery,
Unaided by its former friends ‘n allies;
Internal torn with strife and jealousy,
Twin ideas, freedom ‘n democracy,
Destroyed by desire for personal gain,
‘Tis almost sad to see it conquered thus.
Enter a messenger
Messenger:
From
A message unto mighty departing Sheik;
Hearing you were bound for sea and home,
He humbly would entreat your majesty
To come and see his homely citadel,
And banquet with him ere thou leav’st the town.
Hussein-Osama:
To banquet with him in his citadel;
I fear me, messenger, to feast my crew
Within a town of war so lately pillaged,
Will be too costly and too troublesome:
Yet I would gladly visit Chenzabas,
For well has Chenzabas served us.
Messenger:
Sheik, for that, thus saith Chenzabas,
That he hath himself a contract that’s so big,
So precious, and withal so overwhelming,
As if be valued but most casually,
The worth thereof will serve to entertain
Hussein and all his soldiers for a month;
Therefore he humbly would entreat your highness
Not to depart till he has feasted you.
Hussein-Osama:
I cannot feast my men in DC walls,
Except he place his tables in the streets.
Messenger:
Know, Sheik, that there is a mansion
Which standeth as an out-house to the town;
There will he banquet them, but thee at home,
With all thy ministers and brave followers.
Hussein-Osama:
Well, tell Chenzabas we grant his suit,
We’ll in this summer evening feast with him.
Messenger:
I go.
Exeunt
ACT V, Scene iv
Enter Bushenze, Aides, Major deMinor
Bushenze:
In this my friends be ruled only by me,
Have special care that no man sally forth
Till you shall hear the fireworks discharged
By those who bear them to announce the feast;
Then issue out and come to rescue me,
For happily I shall be in distress,
So soon ‘tis planned that we shall all be free.
Aides:
‘Twill be so, we wish you luck then, and are off.
Exeunt All
ACT V, Scene v
Enter Chenzabas with a hammer above, very busy, with carpenters
Chenzabas:
How stand the cords? How hang these hinges, fast?
Are all the cranes and pulleys sure?
Carpenter:
All fast.
Chenzabas:
Leave nothing loose, all leveled to my plan.
Why now I see that you have art indeed.
There, carpenters, divide that cash amongst you:
Go have a drink or two, it’s on the house,
Down to the cellar, taste of all my wines.
Carpenters:
We shall, and thank you.
Exeunt carpenters
Chenzabas:
And if you like them, drink your fill and die:
For so I live, perish may all the world.
Now Hussein-Osama return me word
That thou wilt come, and I am satisfied.
Enter Messenger
So, what say you, will he come?
Messenger:
He will; and has commanded all his men
To come ashore, and march through DC streets,
That thou mayst feast them in thy citadel.
Chenzabas:
Then now are all things as my wish would have ‘em,
There wanteth nothing but Busenze’s cash,
And see he brings it, now: Bushenze, the sum?
Bushenze:
With free consent 2.5 million dollars.
Chenzabas:
Well, since it is no more,
I’ll satisfy myself with that; nay, keep it still,
For if I keep not my promise, trust not me.
And Bushabas, now partake my policy:
First for his army they are sent before,
Entered GOP headquarters, my old home,
Beneath which in several places are explosives,
The likes of which you’ve never seen before,
That on the sudden shall explode at once,
And batter all the stones about their ears,
Whence none can possibly escape alive:
Now for the Sheik and his main men at arms,
Here have I made a dainty gallery,
The floor whereof, this cable being cut,
Doth fall asunder; so that it doth sink
Into a deep pit past recovery.
Here, hold that knife, and when thou seest he comes,
And with his minions shall be blithely set,
A warning bell shall sound up in the tower,
To give thee knowledge when to cut the cord,
And fire HQ; say, will not this be brave?
Bushenze:
Oh excellent! Here, hold thee, Chenzabas,
I trust thy word, take what I promised thee.
Chenzabas:
No, loyal ally, I’ll satisfy thee first,
Thou shalt not live in doubt of anything.
Stand close, for here they come
Bushenze retires
Why, is not this
A kingly kind of trade to purchase towns
By treachery, and sell ‘am by deceit?
Now tell me, worldlings, underneath the sun,
If greater falsehood ever has been done.
Enter Hussein-Osama, Araphat, and clerics
Hussein-Osama:
Come, my companions true, see I pray
How busy Chenzabas is there above
To entertain us in his gallery;
Let us salute him. Hail the, Chenzabas!
Chenzabas:
Welcome Sheik Hussein-Osama.
Bushenze:
(Aside) How he puts on airs of friendship.
Chenzabas:
Will’t please thee, mighty Hussein-Osama,
To ascend out homely stairs?
Hussein-Osama:
Ay, Chenzabas, old friend, we shall join you at once.
Bushenze:
(Coming forward) Stay, Sheik;
For I will show thee greater courtesy
Than Chenzabas would have afforded thee.
Aide to Bushenze:
(Unseen) Light the fireworks now.
Fireworks explode, the cable is cut, a
cauldron is revealed,
Into which Chenzabas falls
Enter Major deMinor with Aides de Camp and
soldiers
Hussein-Osama:
How now, what means this?
Chenzabas:
Help, Help, someone help me!
Bushenze:
See Sheiks, this was devised for thee.
Araphat:
Traitors, traitors, break for retreat!
Bushenze:
No, Sheik, do not fly;
See his end first, and fly then if thou canst.
Chenzabas:
Oh, help me, Sheiks, help me Republicans.
Bushenze, why stand you all so pitiless?
Bushenze:
Should I in pity of thy plaints or thee,
Accursed Chenzabas, base conservative, relent?
No, thus I’ll see thy treachery repaid,
You’ll wish thou hadst behaved thee otherwise.
Chenzabas:
You will not help me then?
Bushenze:
No villain, no.
Chenzabas:
And villains, know you cannot help me now.
Then Bushenze breathe forth thy latest fate,
And in the fury of thy torments, strive
To end thy life with resolution:
Know Governor, ‘twas I that slew thy son;
I framed the challenge that did make them meet:
Know Sheik, I aimed thy overthrow,
And had I but escaped this stratagem,
I would have brought confusion on you all,
Damned Republicans, and terrorist infidels;
But now begins the extremity of heat
To pinch me with intolerable pangs:
Die life, fly soul, tongue curse thy fill and die!
Chenzabas dies
Hussein-Osama:
Tell me, you Americans, what doth this portend?
Bushenze:
This train he laid to have entrapped thy life;
Now Sheik note the unhallowed deeds of hawks;
Thus he determined to have handled thee,
But I have rather chose to save thy life.
Hussein-Osama:
Was this the banquet he prepared for us?
Let’s hence, lest further mischief be intended.
Bushenze:
No, Hussein-Osama, say, for since we have thee here,
We will not let the part so suddenly,
Besides, if we should let thee go, no matter,
For with thy galleys thou could’st not get hence.
Without fresh men to rig and furnish them.
Hussein-Osama:
Tush, Bushenze, take thou no care for that,
My men are all aboard,
And do attend my coming there by this.
Bushenze:
Why heard’st thou not the fireworks exploding?
Hussein-Osama:
Yes, what of that?
Bushenze:
Why then the house was fired,
Blown up, and all thy terrorists are dead.
Hussein-Osama:
Oh, monstrous treachery!
Bushenze:
A real conservative’s courtesy:
For he that did by treachery work our fall,
My same evil hath delivered thee to us;
Know therefore, till thy empire hath made good
The ruins done to DC and to us,
Thou canst not part: for DC shall be freed,
To live properly beneath Republican reign,
Or you ne’er shall return to home again.
Hussein-Osama:
Nay rather, Republicans, let me go back home,
In person, there to mediate your peace,
To keep me here will nought advantage you.
Bushenze:
Content thee, Hussein-Osama,
With Araphat, your clerics, and the rest,
All shall live now in
Cut off from friends and family, you’ll be,
Without access to lawyers, nor they to thee.
So march away, and let yourselves be taken,
As back to work Republicans now go,
All other parties gathered we together,
To make illegal all dissent and speech,
When they find themselves inclined to outrage,
Reminded they will join you if they speak.
Exeunt all
THE END